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Asor’s Letters: How a married man broke my heart

My dearest Sena,

I have received your ‘love’ letter and it warms my heart to know that you are enjoying your new role as a wife. My prayer for you is that God will grant you happiness and the strength to face hard times, whenever they come.

And now to answer your question about whether I am dating, or not; yes, I have met someone new, but I am yet to decide if I should stick around long enough to let it blossom into a full-blown relationship.

Honestly, my last relationship has put the fear of God and everything else in me.

Do you remember how as young girls, we made vows to ourselves to never go after people’s husbands? Well, my boyfriend of two years was not only married but also had a child to support his fertility level. He had always had plans of relocating to Canada and when the time came no amount of persuasion could change his mind. On the other hand, he drummed it into my head, just how wonderful things would be for us, once he was settled and set up in obimanso; so I got on board with his decision and planned to wait for him.

A few weeks to his departure, he suddenly became moody and distant. I tried to find out what the problem was until he told me one day that we have to talk. Still, in that pensive state, he dropped the bombshell that we should break up and that he has a girlfriend in Canada. I asked him which girlfriend and he said the lady who was on his WhatsApp profile at the moment; the one he told me some days ago was just a friend when I questioned him about her. I was dumbstruck for a while and left walking like a zombie to my house.

We lost touch after he left Ghana until about a year later. We both talked about what’s been happening with us and basically, he wasn’t happy with his girlfriend and doesn’t think he can marry her, so he believes that we should get back together.

Our elders say “once bitten, twice shy” but it appears I wanted to test the veracity of that statement. After some pressure from his end, I decided to give it a go because I was still single. Moreover, I reasoned that I knew him already, which would prevent the complications that come with dating someone new.

We became even closer when he visited Ghana until the axe fell again. I asked to use his phone for something and then for whatever reason I went into his WhatsApp messages and the few conversations that I saw between him and a certain foreign number he had not saved (now I know that he had deleted the name) shook me to my core; I felt I would die this time.

My second chance ‘boyfriend’ was married and they were busily missing each other while I was here fooling myself into thinking that this time, he wouldn’t dare go back on his word. I confronted him of course, but he was rather upset that I went through his phone. He confessed to having a wife and a kid but he loved me too, that’s why he can’t walk away. At this point, the tears were blinding and choking me, but I screamed at him and asked him “what about me?!” Did he factor me into all of these games he was playing? Seriously how does someone look you in the eyes and do that?

Sena, this deceit and betrayal of trust consume me every day of my life. Whenever I meet a new guy, the memories come tumbling down like a boulder on Afadjato and I shut down because I don’t think I can go through something like this again. This time “Twice bitten, extremely shy.”

I don’t know for how long I’ll be like this, but I’m hoping to outgrow it soon so that I can give this new guy a chance because all men can’t be the same.

Till I hear from you again, send my love to your husband and take care of yourselves.

The writer, Akosua Asor Amponsah, works with Citi FM/Citi TV. She enjoys fiction and relationship writing.

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