One of the frequent topical discussions among single young men anytime they gather together discussing relationship and marriage matters is the issue of single young ladies who have given birth once. Ladies who fall within this category are referred to as “born-ones”. There are quite a number of such category of unmarried young ladies all around us.
Hardly, will you see or hear people discussing virgins, nowadays. The abstinence from sexual intercourse before marriage debate is a non-starter! It’s a no-go-area! It’s too complicated a topic for discussion any day. You doubt? You think otherwise? It’s too huge a devastating topic. Its devastating, disturbing, distraught nature makes it literally look dead on arrival.
The church has failed, society has failed, the educational system has failed, the healthcare system has failed, and then a greater majority have individually failed themselves. In the end, technically, we have individually failed ourselves in tackling abstinence from sexual intercourse before marriage. How sad!
The essence of this piece, however, is not to address virgins. It’s not to raise a discussion on virgins. It’s to address non-virgins. It’s to share with you some interestingly worrying observations I made about non-virgins. It’s to share with you how the church and society see, handle and treat non-virgins. It’s to reveal to you what you may not know, or may know, but may not, have made the effort to give it a deeper thought and consideration.
Journey with me as we explore by taking a stroll through this piece of enlightenment, perhaps.
In times past and in this current era of modernity, for a variety of complex mixture of medical, financial, educational, religious and social reasons, people hardly fall in love blindly. To fall in love blindly is suicidal. To fall in love blindly is a way of digging your own grave unaware. To refuse to use your head in matters of the heart is a convenient way of ending up in danger.
Partners individually have their own expectations. The family, the church and the society all have their own added expectations. If you doubt, ask Sampson in the book of Judges, King Solomon of Israel, Abraham the Father of Nations. Believe it or not, accept it or not, take or leave it, society has a greater influence on who people should marry. Certain things are deeply rooted, too enshrined to be altered easily. That’s why you haven’t or won’t marry a “mad” man or woman.
More people died from abortion in 2018 than any other cause of death in the world. According to LifeNews, data compiled by Worldometers revealed that approximately 42 million abortions occurred around the world in 2018, making it the leading cause of death. Deaths from abortion exceeded those from malaria, sepsis, hypertension, cancer, HIV/AIDS, suicide, and car accidents.
Worldometers is an independent site that collects official data from governments, scientific journals, and other reputable groups like the World Health Organization. Those 42 million abortion deaths were not included in the total death count worldwide, which was 59 million. Therefore, the correct total number of deaths worldwide in 2018 was approximately 101 million.
According to WHO, every year in the world, there are an estimated 40-50 million abortions. This corresponds to approximately 125,000 abortions per day.
In the United States, an estimated 1 million babies (fetuses) are aborted each year, one of the leading causes of death in the US. In the USA, where nearly half of pregnancies are unintended and 4 in 10 of these are terminated by abortion, there are over 3000 abortions per day. Excluding miscarriages, 22% of all pregnancies in the USA end in abortion.
According to Ghana Health Service, in 2017, there were 53,114 abortions supervised in public health facilities in the country. This implies 146 abortions are supervised in public health facilities in Ghana on daily basis. Unsafe abortion also recorded 13,918 in the same period as compared to 15,325 unsafe abortion cases in 2016.
Unfortunately, I did not see the GHS report touching on the number of recorded abortions in private health facilities. One cannot pretend not to know what happens in most private health facilities in Ghana as far as abortion is concerned. As a clinician and researcher, I can state without any shred of doubt in my mind that if proper abortion audit is done, the number in private health facilities will be more than those in public health centres.
As at 6:00 am on Saturday, February 23, 2019, already there are 6,128,392 abortion deaths in 2019 in the world.
An abortion can occur spontaneously due to complications during pregnancy or can be induced. An induced abortion of a human pregnancy is mostly termed abortion, while spontaneous abortions are usually termed miscarriages. Setting the record straight, the figures presented here are on only INDUCED ABORTIONS.
If the institutions responsible should find a way of recording the number of unrecorded successful safe and unsafe abortions occurring daily in and outside the hospital setting in many parts of the world, especially in African countries, I am sure people will be alarmed, very alarmed!
For fear of public condemnation, it’s no more difficult, troubling and heartbreaking for preachers, pastors, church leaders and elders, ordinary church members to do the unthinkable in the dark when their promising daughters get pregnant unlawfully and dishonorably. All they have to do is to keep whatever they want to do a secret between or among those who matter most – two, three or four people.
Oftentimes and in many instances, the pastor and shepherd, the father and leader, the head of the household of these victims has no knowledge or whatsoever. Their wives execute these plans without their knowledge. It’s more of a mother-daughter affair. Other times too, their favourite aunties or best friends take the roles of mothers and execute the agenda. It’s ladies-ladies issue sort of.
And the many young self-acclaimed prophets and preachers, youth wing leaders, executives and members in our today’s congregations. Ranging from the choir to whatever group you can think of within the youth department. To comment on what truly happens within and among the youths in our various churches? Only God can, not me please! I see and know nothing. The Omnipresent God sees and knows it all.
No one may see us, not everyone may know about what we do and how we do them, but God who hangs in the heavens without being pulled down by the force of gravity any day, sees and knows it all. Largely, obliviously, many people in the church are promoting sin.
Many church leaders included, the masses in the church and society at large point fingers at any young educated gentleman and secretly ridicule him when he decides to marry a young lady who mistakenly became pregnant and gave birth once – born one – but applaud him when he marries a lady who has committed two, three, four or five abortions unseen and unnoticed. Paradox or irony or both?
The stark reality is, to fit into society by doing what society wants, a lady must look and act smarter. Largely, by societal judgement and deeds, abortion is the only choice, and it’s on the rise!
Many young ladies can’t abstain from sex and are ready to cause as many abortions as possible as long as that keeps them in the competition for their dream fresh young men. They care less about the number of abortions they commit. Blame them? Maybe, yes; perhaps, no!. Perhaps no, because they don’t sleep with trees to get pregnant!
In a very pathetically, mentally compromised generation where most pastors and preachers no longer preach on holiness, purity and morality, and congregants do not want to hear and listen to such important soul-transforming messages, what do we expect? In the absence of abstinence, pregnancy and life-threatening sexually transmitted infections are likely.
In 2016, according to the National AIDS Control Programme report, HIV infections in Ghana recorded an alarming 70.15% increase in just one year. The figure increased from 12,000 new infections in 2015 to 20,148 in 2016. In February, 2018, we’ve been told that there was decline in condom purchase as against an increase in the purchase of emergency contraceptive pills during the Valentine Day celebration. Does that ring a bell?
Ladies don’t sleep with trees, they don’t sleep with animals (although some do), they don’t sleep with birds and flies of the air, they don’t sleep with fishes of the sea. Even if they do, such things are inanimate, too incapacitated to impregnate them. Ladies only sleep with men, they only sleep with guys. And that’s what results in pregnancy.
A woman’s “greatest joy” is the sight of a “responsible man”. A woman’s biggest headache is the sight of irresponsible men; men who have no conscience, men who are bloody ingrates, men who betray women’s trust after having their way with them.
For many “unwidowed” single mothers, their only offence is that they trusted some wicked bloody creature called boy or man or both, and they had their heart broken, and their trust betrayed. Fornication is unacceptable and must never be encouraged. But in the event when a man, guy or boy deceives a young girl or lady into committing fornication with him, he should have the balls to squarely stomach the consequences!
You waste a promising young teenager, lady’s precious time and future by betraying her trust after using several days, weeks, months or even years to sweet-talk her, end up sleeping with her without protection, impregnate her, dump her afterwards, and you later have the balls to mock people who marry born ones or make attempt to marry born ones?
With man’s help, two females have committed two evils; have done two wrongs; have made two mistakes. One is public knowledge, one is a secret. One is considered weightier than the other. The lesser one is seen as the greater wrong of the two wrongs. The murderer accepted, the savior rejected? The coward accepted, the brave rejected?
Fornication plus born-one cannot be equated to fornication plus abortion – one is life, one is death!
It’s a demonstration of courage for unmarried young promising ladies to want to keep unintended pregnancies no matter the circumstances. It’s bravery. It’s mental maturity. It’s the fear of God. It’s an indication that they value human life. It’s acceptance of responsibility for their actions.
We live in an era where people are ready to accept lies as truth and reject truth as lies. There are two sacred areas people don’t talk about. They are only reserved for a certain type of people, and not for others. These are politics and religion. But largely, these two, are our major problems lately, because of HYPOCRISY.
For politics, you are too young to comment on political issues. By commenting and disagreeing with older persons, you are disrespectful and lack manners. For religion, you are not spiritually inclined to comment on the happenings in the church. By commenting on certain unscriptural happenings, you are being used by the devil, and that you rather will incur God’s wrath.
It is interesting how young men fear to marry born ones because they do not want to be called stepfathers or do not want the financial burdens of those kids to be placed on them, but are interested in adopting children when their wives fail to conceive after several years of marriage by whatever circumstances.
Born one is not a bitch. Born one is not a prostitute. Born one is not irresponsibility. Born one is not a curse. Born one is not a demon. Born one is not a social misfit. Born one is not a murderer. To be born-one is a choice. To be born-one is mostly a personal decision by a young lady or teenager to show in public what she did with her unlawful partner in secrecy.
Stop seeing and labelling every born-one as a curse, demon, bitch, prostitute, societal misfit or murderer. The real murderers may be those we have already taken home or are planning to take home as wives. If you call born-ones irresponsible, how will you call abortionists? Aside from death, people forget the very many worrying complications of abortion.
Clinicians who do obstetrics and gynecological consultations in the consulting room have damning stories to tell from their encounters with clients but ethics of the profession frowns on that. People would have known that appearance is truly deceptive and that their supposed angels are wolves in sheep clothing.
A teenage boy impregnates his teenage girlfriend. The girl drops out of school, the boy continues his education and later in life wants to marry a virgin or an angel or “tear rubber” who in secrecy may be an abortionist or may have committed abortions? Who marries the lady he made a born one? And such men are all over the place shamelessly making mockery of born ones? Blame a messed up society, and hypocritic churches!
Man divorces his wife. Six months later he’s married. While the divorced woman is labeled a divorcee and remains single six years later. Man looses his wife to death and remarries a year after, he did the right thing, he’s being praised and congratulated for moving on, after all, life is for the living. Let a widow do same after four years, society and the church will raise eyebrow questioning her fidelity with the deceased husband. Because widowhood takes away her sexual feelings?
The writer is not a victim of this troubling born-one canker and stigma, neither are his siblings and distant relations. He however sees this as a critical societal problem needing intellectual discussion and solution. If people were responsible, faithful and honest, the world would have been a better place. People should see without announcement that God dwells in us.
Ladies are their own enemies and problems. It’s amazing how they can run down their colleagues in their absence in the presence of a promising young man.
Ladies and women, before you secretly point fingers at any born-one friend of yours or any born-one in your hood, church, school, at the workplace and run them down in the presence of your male friends, in your mind and heart, quietly count the total number of emergency contraceptive pills you’ve taken your entire life, the total number of days all your family planning implants and injections lasted, and/or the total number of pregnancies you’ve aborted or helped a friend(s) to abort… If your conscience still judges you right, go ahead!
Men, before you make judgement on any born-one and advise your friends never to marry any of them because the church and society secretly places an unremovable stigma on them, in your mind and heart, quietly count the total number of condoms you’ve bought and used, the total number of emergency contraceptive pills you’ve bought for ladies, and/or the total number of pregnancies you’ve caused ladies to terminate… If your conscience still judges you right, go ahead!
While US president Donald Trump has waged war against abortion through public declaration coupled with active campaigns and making all effort to strengthen institutions responsible for seeing to the reduction of abortion rate in his country, Ghana’s president Akufo-Addo is poised on building a National Cathedral in Ghana for the Lord. It may be a matter of an order of preference with respect to political mandate but a step in that direction won’t be bad. Yes?
It’s about vision. It’s about interest. It’s about priority. It’s about posterity! It’s about what we want posterity and God to remember us for!
Abortionists over born ones; the cause of the church or society or both or we ourselves?
Author: Edward Aloryito